


Arachnophobia

by BreakfastTea



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Jim should be kinder, M/M, Very large spiders, mild h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakfastTea/pseuds/BreakfastTea
Summary: It's not that Leonard is scared of spiders. He just hates them. Intensely. Especially alien spiders the size of dinner plates...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mellaithwen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellaithwen/gifts).



> This is for the lovely Mellaithwen :D It is spider season here in the UK right now, and I nearly stepped on a very, very large spider the other day without shoes on. We got chatting and then fanfic happened ;)

Leonard McCoy did not like spiders.

Didn’t fear them.

Just didn’t like them. At all. Especially the kind large enough for their eyes to be clearly visible.

And _especially_ when they were sprinting toward him across a porcelain floor, all eight legs firing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Bones?”

Jim Kirk, all blue eyes and open-faced concern, stared at him. They were next each other, seated at the governor’s heavily laden table. Negotiations had gone well. The Federation would soon find itself petitioned for membership by another world, one rich with culture and incredible medical technology.

One that was home to giant fucking spiders.

“It’s nothing.”

It had eight legs, was the size of a dinner plate, and was currently racing up the back of Leonard’s chair.

Jim’s eyes flicked to it. “Wow. That is big.”

“Yes.” Leonard’s voice barely made it past the panic frizzling out of his heart. “It’s really big.”

“I don’t think it’ll hurt you.”

“Great. That’s just fine. I’ll make friends with the eight-legged monstrosity.” If it wasn’t removed soon, he wasn’t going to lose it. Sweat prickled out of every pore. Something popped and crackled in his ears, some kind of primordial human _FUCKING RUN_ instinct.

“He could be our pet. Hey, we could even give him a name. How does Ocho sound? I like the sound of eight in Spanish.”

Leonard could hardly breathe. If he moved, it would surely leap onto him. He couldn’t bear it, couldn’t take the idea of one of those eight, hairy, multi-jointed legs touching any part of him. “Jim, _please_.”

“You don’t like spiders?”

“Not especially.”

“Are you scared of them? You, Bones? No way.”

Not scared. Just didn’t like. Emphatically did not like.

Leonard heard it. Heard the bastard creature _move_. Was it wearing steel-toecap boots? He could hear its legs clattering, closing in, closer, closer.

Something tapped the back of his neck.

Whatever came out of Leonard was more of a squawk than a word. And it was loud enough to murder the conversation at the table.

The very, very large table. Full of people. All of them stared at him.

“Is something wrong?” the governor asked. “Doctor McCoy, are humans meant to be as pale as you are right now?”

“It’s okay,” Jim said. “There’s a very, very large spider on the back of his chair.”

“Spider?” The govenor looked to Uhura, who quickly explained what Jim meant. “Ah. Yes, ugly brutes, but harmless. Usually.”

“Usually?” Leonard ground out.

“Oh, Doctor, don’t worry. Unless you were planning on eating it? Or have it spit venom directly at you? Or – Oh, my, you are looking rather faint.

“Bones, it’s not gonna hurt you. I’ll get rid of it, okay?” Jim reached over with both hands and grabbed it. “There we go.” He held it in the manner one would usually hold an unamused cat. “See?” He held it worryingly close to Leonard’s face. It took every iota of his self-control to not flinch or run screaming from the room. “Harmless.” Jim looked to the governor. “Where’s the best place to put our extra guest?”

“Here, let’s open a window,” the governor said. “It’s the season for these fellows, you see. I’ll have my people sweep your suites for any others.”

“Thanks.”

The window opened, Jim released his new pet, and the meal resumed. Conversation buzzed and cutlery chimed and clinked. Jim took his seat at Leonard’s side. “See? Harmless. Nothing to be scared of. Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t know this about you.”

“Shut up, Jim.”

Jim’s hand ducked under the table and gave Leonard’s leg a squeeze. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now.”

Jim walked his fingers over Leonard’s thigh. “Incy wincy spider climbed up the waterspout.”

“Utter one more syllable and I’ll rip your balls off in front of everyone.” He slapped Jim’s hand away. “This isn’t funny.”

Jim smiled at him, his blue eyes glinting mischievously. “It’s a little funny. I’ve seen you up to your elbows in someone’s gut, but one spider and –”

“ _Enough_.” The damn thing was gone, but Leonard swore he could still feel it on him, crawling over his scalp, front legs edging closer and closer to his eyes…

“Hey.” Jim nudged him. “It’s gone. You’re safe.” He rubbed his hands together. “You should eat. We don’t want to upset our gracious host.”

Grudgingly, and with a minimal appetite, Leonard forced the remainder of his dinner down his throat.

Later that night, after much celebrating, Leonard retired to his room. Before he could get in the shower, there came a knock at the door. He opened it and found Jim there, smiling brightly.

“Want me to check under the bed for monster spiders?”

“This isn’t funny,” Leonard snarled. “I hate spiders. Hate them. The way they move. That weird twitching their legs do. The way they race towards you. And did I mention a fuckton of them are poisonous? And that’s just the little bastards on Earth. Who knows what kind of diseases alien goddamn spiders carry. I don’t need you mocking me, I need your support.”

Jim deflated slightly. “I’m sorry.”

“You damn well should be.”

“But seriously, do you want me to make sure the room’s clear?”

Rolling his eyes, Leonard stepped aside and let Jim in.

“Thanks.” Jim pecked him on the lips as he went by. “Can you believe they’re forcing all of us to sleep in separate rooms?” he called over his shoulder as he stuck his head under the opulent four poster bed. “I know these people are strict about unmarried couples, but it’s kind of old fashioned.”

Leonard closed the door and locked it. “You’re not supposed to judge people, _Captain_.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jim slid out from under the bed. “Clear under there.” He sneezed explosively. “Dusty, too.” He brushed himself off. “Bathroom next.”

Leonard sat at the desk and tried not to look like he was too scared to venture in himself until it was deemed safe to enter.

Jim disappeared into the bathroom. “Oh.”

“What? What is it? How many?”

“No, you definitely got the best bathroom. Holy shit, you could swim in this bath. Sweet.”

“Jim, focus.”

“Right, right. Let me just check the – oh, hello there, not so little fella.”

“Spider?”

“Spider. Holy crap he’s big. Oh, oh, fuck, he can move, too!”

“Shut the door!” Leonard’s voice did _not_ wobble, thank you very much.

Jim kicked the door shut. “Okay. Just, er, give me a minute.”

Leonard listened nervously to the bangs, crashes, curses and yelps coming from the bathroom. “Jim?”

“I think there’s a nest in here.”

“A nest.”

“Yeah. Maybe you should, uh, go to my room. And get a guard or five. Armed guards. This isn’t a case of catch one and toss it out the window. These things need corralling, and I can’t – ow!”

“Jim?”

“I think it bit me. Okay, yes. Yes, it definitely bit me.”

“Are these things poisonous?”

“Surely the governor would’ve mentioned that at dinner.”

“Didn’t he say something about them spitting venom?”

“I’m okay, Bones. I just… oh. Whoa.”

Something crashed in the bathroom. “What the hell is going on in there?”

No response.

“Jim?”

The only sound was the rapid tap-tap-tap of countless collections of eight legs racing around the bathroom.

“If this is some kind of joke, I am going to murder you in your sleep.”

“D-Don’t come in.”

“What’s wrong? You sound weird.”

“I don’t feel so good.”

“Get out of the bathroom,” Leonard said.

“I can’t. If I do that, our eight-legged friends will escape. There’s a lot in here, Bones. Like, loads of a lot.”

Jim sounded wrong. His words were elongated, slurred.

“I don’t care, okay? Something’s wrong with you, and I have to fix it.”

“Just, uh, just lemme… Uh… Where are they all coming from?”

“Focus! Get out of the bathroom!”

Instead, Leonard heard the unmistakeable sound of a body smacking against tile.

“Jim? Jim!”

Leonard had no choice. Driven by desperation, wishing he had a phaser, he grabbed the bathroom’s door knob. He twisted it. The door opened a crack.

A spider wedged its legs into the gap.

Swearing creatively, Leonard threw the door open.

The walls were moving. The tile was invisible beneath the swarm of spiders. Jim was there, collapsed in the shower stall. He wasn’t moving, but the spiders ran all over his body.

“Jim!”

Unthinking, adrenaline pumping, Leonard reached forward and grabbed Jim. He dragged him into the main room, kicked the bathroom door shut, and stomped any wayward beasts to death.

Leonard examined his patient. He saw several wicked, swollen bite marks on Jim’s arms and neck. Already Jim’s face was flushed, his skin clammy. His pulse was regular, but it was far too slow. Worried about poison, Leonard shook him, hard. “Wake up!”

Jim was slow to stir. Leonard used the lull to grab his communicator. “McCoy to _Enterprise_. I need an emergency transport directly to sickbay. Lock onto mine and the captain’s signals.”

“ _Aye, sir,”_ the transporter chief responded.

Moments later, Leonard was in sickbay, a dazed and lethargic Jim at his feet. The medical team worked rapidly. Leonard ensured one of the nurses updated Spock on the planet. Blood tests revealed the spiders were indeed toxic, but only to humans.

“Typical,” Leonard muttered, dosing Jim with an anti-venom.

Hours later, Jim was finally coherent enough to make sense. Splotchy and itchy, Jim grinned up at Bones dopily. “My hero,” he declared.

Leonard leaned against the bed. “You’re the idiot who got bitten by giant monster spiders.”

“I did it for you.”

“Yeah, and I went in there for you. You owe me.”

Jim grabbed Leonard’s nearest hand, pulled it to his lips and planted a sloppy kiss on his knuckles. “You name it.”

Leonard couldn’t help himself. A chuckle escaped him. “Never, ever mention spiders around me again.”

“I’m sorry. If it helps, I think maybe I hate them now, too. The legs.” He waggled his fingers. “And all those beady eyes. If I ever see a spider again, I’ll shoot to kill.”

“The governor sent his apologies. Said they’ve never had any trouble before.”

“Trouble follows me.”

“Yes. Yes it does.” Leonard leaned in for a real kiss. “Thanks for trying to save me from the giant spiders, Jim. Your efforts were noted.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Full marks for effort, Jim.”

“Hah hah.”


End file.
